I turned 35 less than a week ago, but the feeling was not what I expected. I expected to feel happy, excited, energetic and hopeful…… Instead, I felt sad, humiliated, lonely, drained and downright frustrated. Instead of celebrating my life and how far I’ve come, I begun to drown in sorrow and self pity. 

And then it dawned on me that I was not living in my own terms, but on the terms society had put on me. As a woman I’m ‘expected’ to be married by now probably with 2 or 3 kids, to be at a certain level financially, to have a stable career or business and to be fully settled in my family, personal and professional life. And all these things are amazing…..trust me, I desire each of them. However, I turned 35 and I had none of the above. And it almost drove me back into depression. 

And I begun to ask myself, who said that without any of these things life should be miserable and lonely and frustrating? Who said I’m less of a woman simply because I’m not married/dating or because I’m childless? Who said I’m less valuable simply because my bank balance doesn’t have as many zeros as it should? Who said that I’m not worthy because I still don’t have my career/business completely figured out? 

WHO SAID? 

Who told us these things that make us feel less-than, and unworthy? Was it our family members? Our teachers? Our peers? Social media? Did we concoct these ridiculous standards in our minds? Is there a script that we should live by that determines what we must have accomplished and acquired at a certain age?

One of the benefits of growing older is the clarity you gain in life and the less tolerance you have for b*s*. I now find that things I had patience for, I no longer do. I’m quicker to get rid of anything toxic and inauthentic in my life. I’m no longer attached to any kind of falsity. I’ve embraced the freedom that is rightfully mine to live as myself and grow into myself daily. And so, I’ve refused to be chained by stereotypes and absurd societal expectations. 

I choose to be myself. I am who I am! Plain and simple. I’m not trying to be like everybody or anybody else. I choose to run my own race and walk my own journey. Isn’t that the beauty and diversity of humanity? Each person being different from the other, yet beautifully the same? It’s what makes life both complex and simple. 

I’ve decided to change the negative narrative and live by my own terms. I want to live like everyday is the best day of my life. I want to spend more time with God and develop a more intimate friendship with Him. I want to focus on being the best and highest version of myself. I want to express sincere gratitude multiple times everyday. I want to laugh more and be a happier person. I want to enjoy my meals more and watch great movies. I want to enjoy my sleep and enjoy the sunrise. I want to read more books and journal more. I want to spend my time with quality people having quality conversations. I want to wake up and do things I love and I’m great at. I want to be kinder and more gentle. I want to listen more to people and become a better conversationalist. I want to forgive quickly and love more deeper.

I don’t know how long I’ll live on this earth, but I know that I’ll be accountable to God for how I spent my life. So I might as well make my time on earth meaningful.

I simply want to become a better human being for the remaining part of my life.